Humility is something I deal with a lot. Also, Self Confidence is a huge issue. They seem to fight each other though, making me go up and down.

But that's really not what this blog is about (again, maybe another blog) although those two things have come into play recently.

I've always seen myself as a really creative person (well, intellectual at least) and I always thought that crossed into creativeness. But recently I have been presented with situations/jobs where I'm supposed to start various things from scratch.

And I've been dumbfounded.

What to do? Where to start? What could things look like? This has always been a struggle for me but I have only just realised it.

And I don't like it.

I've got a lot of pride for being smart (which is bad I know) and I was bummed to think that my mind couldn't come up with anything.

So I thought back to all those times when I had done something 'creative' and then
everything clicked.

All those times someone has presented ideas or has started me off and I've run with it. I really don't have much of a creative bone but I have some great innovative skills.

I've been asked to make a website for some mates. From nothing, I end up with nothing, but when I've been presented with a basic version, I can break it down and slowly improve on it to make a whole new site.

And then things like 'people' games. See, I HATE Construction Games. You know those games where you're given a bunch of items and have to make something out of them? At the church I go to they have a fascination with them, and it drives me nuts. But the problem is, I'm fairly good at them. Once people start, I have to jump in even though I don't want to. It's my innovate, stupid brain.

Anyways, that was a rant and a half. Just something I've been working out about myself.

Yeah it was probably a self-righteous blog or something but anyways..

So, are you a Creative or an Innovative person??

Attitudes.

I've always thought my attitudes weren't bad. I like most people and give them a chance when I meet them.

See, this thought came to my head last weekend. It was the weekend of Melbourne Grand Prix and a good friend of mine, who works with charities, needed my help with an event he was running.

As far as I knew, I was helping set up some video games for a party that was overlooking the big race. So, racing games it was for the xboxes. I knew the kids that were coming were refugees from war torn countries, but i didn't put 2 and 2 together until they got there.

These kids had all been in serious accidents and were handicapped in one way or another (I hope I'm being politically correct, I'm sorry if I'm not).

I was like, oh crap how can a guy without any fingers play an xbox game? (Considering the controls have more buttons than a microwave)

Anyways, we took the kids into a room where the video games were set up and they were really stoked to see them. One who took a liking to me, Emmanuel, wheeled up behind me and jumped on a seat next to me.

Emmanuel, from memory, was dumped by his mother with his brother (Ahmed who was also there) because they were both deformed when born. (I might not be right on the specifics but its close to that.) Emmanuel was born with only half of one leg, three fingers on one hand, and kinda a stump of a thumb on the other.

So, I was fully racking my brain on how he was going to drive a car on this xbox game.

Well...really well. That's how he did. His dexterity was phenomenal with it. I felt really ashamed on the inside thinking that he couldn't do it. Plus his attitude, man, he really kicked me one.

This is a guy (early teens) that lives life to the fullest. I read a book recently and it was saying that disabled people live life how we should. Taking every day as an opportunity, and just being thankful for everything.

Emmanuel did this. Always congratulating, encouraging, talking, helping. Heck he didn't shut up. But it wasn't an annoying way. He was just wanting to be in everything and see everyone enjoying themselves.

Did my attitude suck? No. But was it shown up? Totally.

I've thought of Emmanuel over the last week when I haven't felt like doing things, or through my conversations with others.

Sometimes its good to be shown up.....

PS: And you can now reach this blog by my new address http://blog.mattatkins.com/ - yeah full of myself hey?