I spend alot of my life analysing myself..

My uni course was very analytical (you're trained to be a Software/Business Analyst).

So the question "Why?" has always been one thats run through my veins. Haha spend anytime in my house you'll find my family are always wanting to know 'What are you doing?' and 'Why?'.

Which to some people that have come in and out of my family has been annoying, but well, it's just the way we're wired.

So as usual my blog is going a different direction. Over the last short time I've be really ripping into myself (some of you would be thinking, what's new). I'm trying to work out why I've literally been in a 'funk' ever since I arrived back from Canada.

Do I have any idea why? Not in the slightest but what I've always known are certain things I 'need' to deal with in my life...

Problem is, because of many reasons, I haven't dealt with them.

See, in our lives we know the right answer to alot of our problems. We know what we should be doing, what we should of done....what we NEED to do.

But 'wants' stop that.

We come up with crap excuses. Thoughts that the problems will go away. Even to the point that we think if we pray enough that God will deal with it, when he's saying straight to us... DEAL WITH IT!

Why is it human nature to not do the right thing? but to do what we want?

Pain comes alot of the time when doing the right thing, and self preservation wins over, but all that is doing is going to make the pain harder when it finally hits us.

So what really is the smartest thing to do? To live avoiding, lying, decieving, convincing or to actually grow up and deal with issues?

I NEED TO GROW UP...

¶ 1:55 AM  

Kat said...
Your not the only one that needs to grow up Matt, but like you said, we sit there praying that God will deal with it, and fix everything, when he's looking you straight in the face and saying DEAL WITH IT. But needs often win out in the end. Even when you know that dealing with it will probably cause less pain. When will we learn.  

Hadassah said...
Why is it human nature to do what we want...Hmm. Because it's the easy way out?

A couple of years ago I had a bit of a crisis with turning 21. Thought that I had wasted my life up until that point, and was heading absolutly no where. I also thought that I was perfectly in tune to God's will for my life and had everything surrendered to him. Then I heard those fantastic words the most strongly I had ever heard anything from God..."GROW UP."

You're right..pain, usually a LOT of pain, comes with doing the right thing. And that makes the decision an intimidating one, and one that we don't want to make because we can only see the immediate future and difficulites it might bring, and we fail to see the bigger picture.

I think that the smartest thing is to grow up and deal with the things that we "know" we need to deal with. I believe that because it's what God's answer to me was on that very subject, and it was the only way I could have overcome the burdens that were weighing me down at that point in my life.

It took me until I was 21 to surrender to God severalt things that was a struggle since I was probably about 13. In hindsight, my teenage years could've been a lot different had I chosen to "deal with it" instead of just saying a prayer and refusing to hear God's answer on the subject, and go on as if my life was fine.

But, I think the important point is that you finally stop pretending it's okay...stop just doing what is the easy way out...and face what it is full on (with God by your side) and deal with it. Grow up and deal with it. Doesn't matter how long it takes...doesn't matter how many times you've tried before...doesn't matter how much time you've "wasted", because it's never too late. The point is that you just do it. Otherwise you'll spend the rest of your life pretending to not struggle with something that is deep down tearing you apart.

I wish I had heard God earlier. I wish I hadn't wasted my high school years on selfish desires and "wants" and had actually lived out my life as a Christian. But I'm not going to waste my time now on wishing that I could change things that are fully out of my control. Instead I'm going to praise the Lord I finally did hear him, priase the Lord that it wasn't too late, praise the Lord that He can use all my crap and painful circumstances for His glory, and praise Him that I went through the pain and grief of dealing with it, ...because I wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't.

Now that was a ramble...;)  

Mama Halsey said...
Hey Matt .... Mama Halsey here

one of the things i've learned over the years is that sometimes it takes a brick to the head for some of us to pay attention to certain things

sometimes I find it difficult when I feel like i'm adrift not knowing where i'm going ... you know .. like being on a boat int he ocean with no sight of land anywhere and not knowing which way to go ... I mean I have this great boating outfit, great boat, dying to do something, equipped to do something and yet ... water as far as i can see and a sense of being rudderless ....

One thing I have learned about you is that you are a good man. You are a strong man, someone who is not afraid of challenge (heck you're Esther's friend lol).

Sometimes its hard to hear what God wants for us when we're sooooooo busy running around talking, yelling and saying "What", "Why" at the top of our lungs.

Breath. Sit quietly. And God's plan will be there for you.

We are praying for you in Canada ...  

Hadassah said...
now that I have, I can harass you about it...

UUUPPPPPPDDDATTTTEEEE  

KiR said...
I think you just miss me :P

It's been a while Matt. We should catch up sometime.
Grace to you,  

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