Over the last couple of months a few things about my personality has really come to the fore front. The one I've been really reassured is that I'm a giver.

I have to thank a few people for most of that. Both my Grandfather and my mum have a huge gift of selfless and sacrifice for others, and add into that my Dad's awesome work ethics, and i have a phenmoenal passion for helping others, (and also a habit of helping to my own detriment)

Also I've had some comfirmation from friends about my giving, just look at my last blog... (thanx Kirsten) But well I'm not trying to talk myself up, the reason I bring this up is that about others (funny enough)

I have for the last month or so been working at a few camps with a Canadian Worship/Drama Group. And its been a huge blessing on my life. From normally being the giver, I have recieved some beautiful things.

People have come into my life that have impacted me in so many ways in such little time. From kids who just look up to us at the camps we work at, to little presents and cards we get from the kids when we finish, to spending time with some unbelievable people on my team. I have been given things I didn't expect and many things have happened that I didn't see coming.

And I've realised that while I do find happiness in giving to others, the more I let others give to me, the greater i am really blessed.

So all of you reading out there who have blessed me, I have made a Note of who you are, and just want to say Thank you soo much and hope I can continuely return the favour.

¶ 6:19 PM //  

Life is pretty interesting at the moment. Currently on a bit of an adventure, living it up as a traveling worker, but also debriefing after a year of learning experiences.

After a year of rules and curfews, life is a bit freer and have been living it up and taking in a lot of movies. Just last night I went and saw batman begins again. I first of want to say, best comic book film ever, except for the editing of the fight scenes which is some of the worst, but there was a line that really stuck out from it.

I'm currently going through one of those, "Who am I?" moments. Life is changing, people walking in and out of my life and really unsettled. So to try and settle, I’ve started to really thinking about myself and what makes up me (yeah very self-centred huh)

Anyways back to batman, there’s a recurring line (excuse paraphrasing), It's not what you think that defines who u are, but what you do!

And well I've been really thinking about this. We are told, well kind of, from an early age, the great old, 'I think therefore I am' about the fact that our thoughts define us, but how can people be defined if no one experiences these thoughts. I know people would just get into the whole argument about not worrying about people's opinions. But well I believe if you take enough opinions you have a great chance of actually defining the truth.

So my plan is this, I want to know who I am. The outcome of this won't define me, but I am really interested in how people perceive me. I'm interested in what makes up 'me' to others. (And all those who going to blow the 'I don't have to impress or worry about what others think of me' line, please jump, it’s far from that, just interested in honest truth about myself. Oh and no compliment fishing either)

See I'm interested in a lot of feedback, be it from anyone, that would have any idea about me, from meeting me in person, to just reading my blog.

The trick is, please, I say please be honest. If you can't comment publicly on this blog, feel free to email, ryhawk@hotmail.com, but I really want some honest feedback and will take everything constructively, to the best of my abilities.

¶ 9:26 PM //  

Yes bizarre as it sounds. A couple of weeks ago while just driving around with my best mate Greg; we somehow got onto thinking of what next with our lives.

And I started reminiscing about home, but the weird thing is, and I emphasize weird. I can't remember the layout of a bit of my house. Can't remember if it’s a straight or angled wall to my bathroom/laundry.

So ok you’re probably thinking this is a bit random, but what I'm kind of saying is that I'm bummed. I really miss my home, my bed, my fam and the fact that I can't remember part of my house is like, eugh!

And I think well I have less than a couple of months to go before I'm home I should soak it in.

But as u really can't see where I’m going with this, I'll help (because who else would).

I was offered a position to stay in Canada for at least another 12 months. It was to use my talents to help start some new endeavors over here and at time I felt at peace with it, but things changed.

While I had heaps of support from everyone to stay and do great work, just through conversation with some close friends, I realised that as much as I love Canada and especially the people here, God was calling me home.

So I'm kind of back to where I started Ignite. I'm ready (well in 2 months) to jump back onto a plane and fly to the other side of the world, to do something that I honestly have no idea about. I'm leaving it all into God's hands again, and will honestly and openly pray about what I should be doing in Melb

So any prayers or even suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

PS. Just a little note, even though I'm not leaving yet, all my Canadian friends, you have impacted me so much and I would love not to leave you, I wish I could convince you to come to Aus (well some I have hehe) but I am planning to come back really soon. So I will still be around...

¶ 9:36 PM //  

For those who don't know me, my name is Matthew Graham Atkins. And that’s Graham (my Dad's name) and its said grey-ham, not Gram like Canadians do. (Oh and also for their benefit, Craig isn't said like creg, it’s like cray-g)

Anyways, my point is, I like my name, there's not much wrong with it. (Yeah I know its going against my subject heading) But I'd rather be called Matt from my friends, and well Matthew is normally only said by my Mum (or most people) when I'm in trouble, or hot girls who are just pulling fun at me (or wanting something)

This comes to what I'm trying to say, I've never really had a nick name, not that its a bad thing, but a day or so ago, I was called big man, and I don't really understand but I got offended by it. I don't want me to be defined by my appearance. Then I was thinking about it a bit more. I've got a God-given gift for technology (even thought it in reality hates me) and because it’s a gift that few have, I'm constantly called the techie...

The problem is that it’s something that I don't want to be labelled. To people (*note* generality) being a techie it means, that techies have the inability to hold conversations, and that we'd rather 'make' love to a computer than to actually talk to people, and that we’re so valued and kinda put down at the same time.

I've heard it been called a curse... to me somedays I really feel like it is, and that I just want to throw it all away, but well that’s really being ungrateful to God, and he would just take it away from me if I do that, and its really going against his will for my life.

He has given me this talent for a reason, and to not use it is one of the greatest things you could do against him. But what do you do when you feel like it just degradation?

All the techies out there who read this, (which there would be a few), I'm not trying to diss any of this, and it’s just something I’ve been feeling for a time. And well needed to vent, and I would really appreciate some constructive feedback, not just pick me ups.

¶ 3:48 PM //