I've been mulling over a few things of late, and really need to be honest and get some stuff off my chest. So hope nothing below makes me sound arrogant or full or myself as thats the last thing I want to do, I just need to lay a few of my hurts/faults out..


- Ever heard of an Emotional Fornicator?
- What about Emotional Attachment Syndrome?
I, Matthew Atkins, really need to get some stuff off my chest. Have been dealing with a few things, am guilty of being the first and am pretty sure I have the second.

What are they? Well.....

Emotional Fornication is a term made by at least 2 of my friends and will probably correct me if I get it exactly wrong. See Males have a habit of 'physical' fornication, be it from Lustful thoughts about women, to pornography, masturbation, etc. Once they have a bit, it can become an addiction to them and it takes over them. It's also one thing that draws males to the real skanky girls...

'Emotional' Fornication is kinda like the female version. Males are very perceptual, and hence all the conversations that males just concentrate on the looks. Females though get caught up with compliments, laughing, and well emotions. And well I've been brought up with fairly decent manners (thanx Mum), the love to listen (again props to my mum), a caring attitude (thanx God) and well a decent amount of ability to interact with Females. This is in some ways a recipe for disaster.

See I have had this philosophy that because guys suck at making girls feel of worth, I should show them that not all guys are jerks. So for one thing I'm a big complimenter, not one of those fake guys who do it left right and centre, I believe that if a girl has but an effort in to look nice, and u think they do, there is no reason why you shouldn't tell them, and I'm always willing to listen to girls. I believe to many guys come across as self-centred fools.

But well the problem with this, is that they get the wrong idea about me, and can get attached. And me being a nice guy, I'm sometimes at fault for leading them on, when I should of told them that I'm not interested, but I hate hurting girls (feels like I've hurt a lot in the past, and yes I know that’s another problem I have) Anyways, I hope that makes the term easier to understand, and those who know me, could see it in me.. (Which may not be a good thing, but at least is an honest thing)

Emotional Attachment Syndrome. Many a jokes have been made about how feminine I can be. Not in the sense of being less manly but more so that my emotions do have a ruling on a lot of my thoughts/decisions. I bring this up to set up a bit of idea about me. Officially I have only gone out with 3 girls in my life. Yes for all the people who'll bring it up, 2 were sisters but that is another blog. On top of that there have been a handful of girls where it got close, but for my whole 26 years, there really hasn't been a whole lot.

This reason is that I'm trying to make sure each one is really right, but at the same time, because I focus a lot on finding the 'right' one, when I find one that could be, I fall WAY to hard. And this is where the emotional attachment comes in. I can get very attached to someone, and they may even have no idea about it. Then it starts taking over my thoughts, and gets control of me, which is completely utterly wrong.

Okay so I am getting to a point.
Both of things are problems, that I'm pretty sure a lot of guys (and to some extent girls) have dealt with, and I guess to have both doesn't help. So I'm putting things into place, to help me deal with them etc.So as well as keeping it a prayer point and working it through with God (because no changes in life can be done without him), I am taking myself off the Market, (not that I was ever there, but one friend did label me as 'Fresh Meat' since I have been back). As a few people know, I've said no dating or anything till the New Year (hopefully longer). Well I would love to have my friends keep me accountable of that *cough cough*, and that if there was a chance someone was wondering, I say sorry, not looking.
This also means I MAY in the future be turning down coffee or movies out with females.

And well as a bit of a disclaimer... If anyone reads this and takes it personally, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to be the most HONEST and INTEGRAL person I can be, and want to fix this part of me.

And seriously feel free to voice your anger/opinion as a comment. This is just me highlighting what I, that’s right I, know as MY Faults, and ones that I'm TRYING to fix, and ones that I do need to be ACCOUNTABLE of.

¶ 8:18 AM  

DJ_Jarvi said...
i've just been thinkin' about what u've been sayin'...

and i might have to right another blog on my space... beem haavin the same prob as u tho... so i'll get in contact  

The @ said...
Once you do, just comment and link ur blog ;)  

DJ_Jarvi said...
kinda copied and just read ur comment  

Danno said...
Hey Matt, I know exactly where you're coming from on alot of those points. Emotional Fornication is not a term I'm unfamiliar with, or afraid to use lol. It's very hard being genuine and loving Christian in today's world, in particular in the women of today. One of the greatest dangers for us, as you pointed out, is "leading them on". Kind comments, agape love and general good naturedness are so rarely found amungst our fellow men, when it IS found, it generally causes the other sex to interpret it incorrectly as romantic line.

I know I grappled with how to deal with female attachment on my ignite year. It'd make a good research/presentation topic. Haha, there ya go, now you got a blog within a blog.

Love ya bro!  

danno said...
Edits for the above post:

women of today = men of today
romantic line = romantic love

serves me right for writing at 2am.

Peace!  

Betta said...
well i'm the first chick 2 comment...so what will i say?? i've never actually thought about the whole concept until just reading this so good effort matta! i'd have 2 pretty much agree with u...must say that personally it takes a bit more than a few kind words 4 me 2 start wondering about a bloke now but i also know lots of girls that totally fit this perfectly.
i guess it could b largely due 2 the lack of genuine friendly attention lots of girls get. its more common 2 only get wolf whistles or 'ur hot' so a sweet guy with something nice 2 say is so rare and very much appreciated!and yeah can lead to a rather misled appreciation.
now that i think of it this is probably the reason that i did my own whole 'stay single 4 as long as possible' thing, cos i knew that i was getting swayed by good mates saying nice things.
anyway i think its really great that u have thought about the effects that even ur good intentions can have and also 4 bringing the whole topic up. but also please guys dont b afraid 2 b nice 2 girls....girls just need 2 learn how 2 take it the right way :) (oopsy mine is so long!)  

Rachel said...
Have read all and all comments. It's a hard place to be in for any guy. As been pointed out - girls are very good in this day and age at being very down on themselves and starving for male attention. (Note - a major generalisation and mainly in regards to single chicks of course). And so a lovely Matt comes along and says lovely things - as he does, and voila you have a crush on your hands ;-) It's not something that I think is actually a BAD characteristic, but I have to say in the years of singledom I had, it was rare but I always admired, when a guy had mastered the whole 'friends but no more' thing and yet still made me feel good about myself and valued. HARD WORK - and easier done when you are married lol. Thanks for your honesty Matt. I read into this a little - already copping some crush attention? :-)
Girls will not 'learn how to take it the right way' til they learn to love themselves and not needing blokes to affirm them - and what chance have they got of that with whats out there today?
Oh sorry now this has turned into a debate on females and totally not about you m@ LOL.  

The @ said...
haha rachel, seriously love ur words

and the last thing i want this to be is a debate on females, females are great, i would love to live the rest of my life with one, but not yet..

but yeah was just me needing to be honest with a struggle i have  

Tish said...
Hmm... this is very interesting. I think I might be guilty of getting the wrong immpression from guys such as these. I'll know for future reference.

Matt it's great what your doing. You've really got some back bone (that sounds really lame I know). Anyway just bodging up some engouragement. :D  

Beth said...
Ok Matty Moo,
Good stuff, I do enjoy reading this. Let me take you back to COmmissioning 2003. We were both missing Claire as she had been gone from Australia for one day now... I was wearing a black top and silver skirt (don't know why I remember, I just remember)... anyway, so we sa together at Commissioning and everything, blah blah blah, I went home and got a message from you at about midnight saying "You looked really nice tonight. Don't take it the wrong way, just giving credit where credit is due" (or something along those lines. I remember thinking to myself, if you'd just told me that when you saw me that night in passing I would have gone 'Oh that's nice' and moved on, that would have been fine, but the fact that you went out your way to tell me that AFTER the occasion, if I were any other girl I might have taken it the wrong way. Now, but knowing where you stood with me I didn't think any more of it and this wasn't a problem, really... but I just wanted to say to you and all the guys out there in La La Land be careful when you GO OUT OF YOUIR WAY to say a compliment... girls could be mislead. I'm not having a go at you bro, just voicing my thoughts.  

The @ said...
Nah all good, these are things that I have realised, and am pulling myself about, and hoping to be accountable for

Thanx for the advice definetly, not doing that anymore

learnt from my mistakes,

not saying complimenting is a mistake, just it has got me in alot of trouble in the past :(  

Claire Bear said...
I agree with Beth, and not just coz i have to :)
I think there is danger in leading some girls on when you give them compliments just because of who they are. However, I also think a compliment (or whatever the interaction) only becomes meaningful when YOU attach meaning to it. So it's not about what you say, it's about how you say it and whether it's appropriate, and what you're msg you're intending to get across. For example... "you look really nice in that (jacket, car, tutu), it really suits you" could mean anything from just that, to 'you do look really nice and i hope you like me but not in a romantic way coz it's 2003, ladies-free year but i'm gonna leave a bit of a hint to make you wonder whether i like you or not, just to see what happens'.
And the ladies will pick up on it! I guarentee it. Once guys figure out we're ALL analysers, they can start to adjust their comments appropriately.
Blog on that, Curtis boy!  

Beth said...
Blog on that, Curtis Boy? Claire, what the hell is up with that? Hahaha!  

Hadassah said...
I think in some cases that might be true...

But with some girls, it doesn't matter what way the guy says it, puts it, or means it...it's taken the wrong way. A lot of girls are just starved for compliments, and can easily swoon over a guy who sends a few nice words their way...even if it was perfectly worded and intentioned to only been taken as a friend.

Just because someone means something, or sends out a comment "appropriately"...doesn't mean at all that the reciever will take it the same way.  

Anonymous said...
Crikey! I do not like to be harsh but you sound like a whinger.

"I give compliments and the girls swoon, woe is me"

You must be a poor communicator if if you cannot give a woman a compliment without leading them on.

I suspect that you enjoy flirting.  

Hadassah said...
"You must be a poor communicator if you cannot give a woman a compliment without leading them on."

Thats rubish. You're anonymous so I have no idea if you're a girl or a guy...but I'm going to assume not a girl because it doesn't sound like you can relate to what a lot of girls go through when liking a guy who pays them compliments out of genuine intentions, but they take it for more then it's worth. Poor communication may be part of a the factor, but it's definitely not all of it. Communication has two parts..how it's sent out..but also how it's recieved by those who hear it.

I suspect that you've got communication, compliments, and dealings with the opposite sex all figured out then?  

The @ said...
hmmm crikey and whinger... sounds like a canadian to me.. but well i've been wrong many a time before

And woe is me..??, ha
this blog was about me being honest about something I do wrong. it seems I am a poor communicator.

I am not taking it lightly at all that I have made girls feel this way, i feel completely honored, and at the same time, i feel like I have lied to them, which if u know me, and I have a feeling u do..You would know that it wouldn't sit very well with me.  

Anonymous said...
hmmm.....  

GiftwrappedByGod said...
Have to commend you Matt on being so honest on this topic. It's good to know that you're concerned about the hearts of your sisters... good to hear.
Rock on!  

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